Every once in a while, a film comes along with such inconceivably stupid, offensive, and horrendous ideas, that you ask yourself... is this a joke? The Lone Ranger is one of those films. I'm not saying that Disney's ill-advised reboot of the classic franchise was inherently a bad thing. Actually, I can think of many ways you could re-imagine The Lone Ranger for modern audiences. A movie about a former Texas Ranger who allies with a local Native, both of whom fight crime and evil while following a strict code of non-killing and using violence ONLY as an absolute last option could work. Plus, in an era of gritty and dark anti-heroes, borderline villains, and psychopaths, a movie with some uplifting qualities could have actually brightened up such a dour and depressing movie season. Now, after following the film's production plus seeing the trailers, I knew this movie wasn't going to be any good, but I'm genuinely shocked by just how terrible it turned out. How bad you ask? Let me tell you...
The starts off with John Reid (Armie Hammer), an idealistic lawyer who moves to Colby, Texas. After reuniting with his brother Dan, a Texas Ranger, John is recruited to join his brother and his band of Rangers to help take down the vicious criminal, Butch Cavendish (William Fichtner). Despite John's strict non-violence and non-killing policies, he nonetheless joins the band because of his equally strong dedication to justice. After an ambush leaves all the Texas Rangers dead, with John on the brink of death, he is saved by an eccentric Native named Tonto (Johnny Depp), who claims that Reid is a spirit walker who cannot be killed in battle. Because his enemies believe him to be dead, Reid takes on the alias of "The Lone Ranger" and starts wearing a mask to conceal his identity. Reid and Tonto then agree to join forces to take down Butch and his band of outlaws. What follows is adventure of betrayal, deception, and thrills as both Reid and Tonto make a number of startling discoveries.
Okay, let's address the most glaring issue present in this turd of a film... Johnny Depp as Tonto. I honestly don't even know where to start with this. I mean... WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING JOHNNY!!! Better yet, what the Hell was Disney thinking? Surely, there must have been some point during the production of this film that someone must have said something along the lines of, "Geez, this might be a little... or rather, REALLY offensive."
Simply the fact that a white actor is playing a Native character in the year 2013 is egregious enough (I know Johnny Depp claims to be something like 1/16 Native, but I'm sorry that's not enough), but it's made all the more shocking by just how this character has been re-imagined. Tonto here is portrayed an eccentric outcast who wears a dead crow on his head and claims to have some sort of mystical connection to spirits (it's later revealed that he might just be crazy... never was explained very well). Here's the thing about Tonto, he was never a very PC character to begin with. When actor Jay Silverheels played the character in the 1950s, he drew some criticism for being something of an insensitive stereotype. Tonto's stilted speech patterns (which by the way is still present in Depp's version) plus his clear role being second fiddle to the Ranger and less of an equal partner would definitely raise a few eyebrows today. That said, the fact that they had Jay Silverheels, a legitimate First Nations actor, playing such a prominent role in an era in which minorities rarely received such opportunities, was a step in the right direction. Johnny Depp's portrayal doesn't move the character forward, but rather takes a few steps back. Over the course of Depp's career, he has made a living taking chances with risky, innovative, and daring characters, most of which have payed off. Whatever Depp was trying to do here has clearly backfired, and is likely to be a stain on his otherwise mostly solid filmography. I can only hope the backlash surrounding this unfortunate casting decision will lead Hollywood producers to stop whitewashing minority characters.
I really wish I could say that the Tonto issue was the film's only problem... unfortunately that isn't the case. Gore Verbinski is a good director, let's get that out of the way. Yeah, his Pirates sequels didn't really live up to the original, but Verbinski has enough stylish flair and eye for action to make films like the first Pirates of the Caribbean, Rango, or The Ring average out to be pretty good. His attempts to give The Lone Ranger that same dynamic look and energy as his previous hits was commendable, but sadly his efforts were in vain.
The horrendous script did Verbinski (and everyone else for that matter) absolutely no favors. For starters, it pretty much spits on the legacy of The Lone Ranger, by trying to distance itself as much as it can from the previous shows. While I'm not necessarily against the way it re-imagined the property in such dark fashion (though I'm not on board with it either), it pretty much abandons the themes and ideas that defined the character in the first place. The Ranger here is less of a moral crusader for good, and rather re-imagined as a clumsy goof who gets by on dumb luck more than anything. Yeah, he still refuses to kill, but through a number of badly set up slapstick gags, he ends up doing just that anyways. The film actually centers more around Tonto than the Ranger as well. In theory that could have been an interesting idea, but because of Tonto's aforementioned character flaws, that didn't work either. The rest just doesn't work... the villains bare a striking resemblance to Barbossa's crew from the Pirates movies, the film never finds a consistent tone, and it's full of plot holes and inconsistencies that continue to add up. In short... kind of a disaster.
Acting wise... actually I don't have much to say on that front. When you're working with a script this bad, it's almost impossible to expect the actors (whether good or bad) to give a decent performance. Armie Hammer is probably the cast's most unfortunate victim as The Lone Ranger. While he's already got a few solid roles under his belt, the guy hasn't quite gotten out of his "up-and-coming" status, and missteps like this might really hurt his career. There were times I felt like he was trying, but more often than not, he looked incredibly embarrassed and uneasy in the role. Both he and Depp barely had any kind of chemistry as well, something that could have really helped elevate the film. William Fichtner was trying, I could tell, but with such a sloppy character, his strong efforts just weren't enough. It's too bad, because that guy is actually a pretty good actor, but his choice in roles really need some work. Helena Bonham Carter gives an enjoyable performance as the one-legged brothel madam who assists Reid and Tonto, but her character is so underdeveloped and pushed aside that I kept forgetting she was in the damn thing. The rest... well, there's not much else to say. None of the actors are particularly terrible (Depp excluded) but none are good enough to help this film in any way.
This is the point where I'm supposed to say something along the lines of, "At least the action was good." To that I say... yeah, it's okay. Gore Verbinski is good enough of a director to at least provide the film with a handful of passable action sequences. There was nothing that particularly stood out, but I can't say it looked that bad either. 
The opening scene had a half decent fight/chase that started the film with something of a bang. Unfortunately, after that, most of the movie is just Reid and Tonto bickering with one another. By the time the finale rolled around, that was the first time the film actually picked up a bit. It finally embraced some of the fun factor of it's source material, ending in an admittedly exciting action sequence. Unfortunately, by that point, the damage was done and I had totally stop caring. Those are really the only major action scenes over the course of the film's 2.5 hour runtime (by the way, the film is WAY too damn long), and even if they were incredible, I'd still be hard-pressed to give this film a passable score. If you're looking for your blockbuster action fix for the summer... find something else.
So that's The Lone Ranger... so far the biggest dud of the summer. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if this piece of crap ended up becoming the worst film of 2013. I know it's been out for a while, and odds are it's not playing in your theater anymore, but if the opportunity to see it does happen to present itself... just keep on skipping it.
My Score: 1.5 out of 5!
Okay, let's address the most glaring issue present in this turd of a film... Johnny Depp as Tonto. I honestly don't even know where to start with this. I mean... WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING JOHNNY!!! Better yet, what the Hell was Disney thinking? Surely, there must have been some point during the production of this film that someone must have said something along the lines of, "Geez, this might be a little... or rather, REALLY offensive."
Simply the fact that a white actor is playing a Native character in the year 2013 is egregious enough (I know Johnny Depp claims to be something like 1/16 Native, but I'm sorry that's not enough), but it's made all the more shocking by just how this character has been re-imagined. Tonto here is portrayed an eccentric outcast who wears a dead crow on his head and claims to have some sort of mystical connection to spirits (it's later revealed that he might just be crazy... never was explained very well). Here's the thing about Tonto, he was never a very PC character to begin with. When actor Jay Silverheels played the character in the 1950s, he drew some criticism for being something of an insensitive stereotype. Tonto's stilted speech patterns (which by the way is still present in Depp's version) plus his clear role being second fiddle to the Ranger and less of an equal partner would definitely raise a few eyebrows today. That said, the fact that they had Jay Silverheels, a legitimate First Nations actor, playing such a prominent role in an era in which minorities rarely received such opportunities, was a step in the right direction. Johnny Depp's portrayal doesn't move the character forward, but rather takes a few steps back. Over the course of Depp's career, he has made a living taking chances with risky, innovative, and daring characters, most of which have payed off. Whatever Depp was trying to do here has clearly backfired, and is likely to be a stain on his otherwise mostly solid filmography. I can only hope the backlash surrounding this unfortunate casting decision will lead Hollywood producers to stop whitewashing minority characters.I really wish I could say that the Tonto issue was the film's only problem... unfortunately that isn't the case. Gore Verbinski is a good director, let's get that out of the way. Yeah, his Pirates sequels didn't really live up to the original, but Verbinski has enough stylish flair and eye for action to make films like the first Pirates of the Caribbean, Rango, or The Ring average out to be pretty good. His attempts to give The Lone Ranger that same dynamic look and energy as his previous hits was commendable, but sadly his efforts were in vain.
The horrendous script did Verbinski (and everyone else for that matter) absolutely no favors. For starters, it pretty much spits on the legacy of The Lone Ranger, by trying to distance itself as much as it can from the previous shows. While I'm not necessarily against the way it re-imagined the property in such dark fashion (though I'm not on board with it either), it pretty much abandons the themes and ideas that defined the character in the first place. The Ranger here is less of a moral crusader for good, and rather re-imagined as a clumsy goof who gets by on dumb luck more than anything. Yeah, he still refuses to kill, but through a number of badly set up slapstick gags, he ends up doing just that anyways. The film actually centers more around Tonto than the Ranger as well. In theory that could have been an interesting idea, but because of Tonto's aforementioned character flaws, that didn't work either. The rest just doesn't work... the villains bare a striking resemblance to Barbossa's crew from the Pirates movies, the film never finds a consistent tone, and it's full of plot holes and inconsistencies that continue to add up. In short... kind of a disaster.Acting wise... actually I don't have much to say on that front. When you're working with a script this bad, it's almost impossible to expect the actors (whether good or bad) to give a decent performance. Armie Hammer is probably the cast's most unfortunate victim as The Lone Ranger. While he's already got a few solid roles under his belt, the guy hasn't quite gotten out of his "up-and-coming" status, and missteps like this might really hurt his career. There were times I felt like he was trying, but more often than not, he looked incredibly embarrassed and uneasy in the role. Both he and Depp barely had any kind of chemistry as well, something that could have really helped elevate the film. William Fichtner was trying, I could tell, but with such a sloppy character, his strong efforts just weren't enough. It's too bad, because that guy is actually a pretty good actor, but his choice in roles really need some work. Helena Bonham Carter gives an enjoyable performance as the one-legged brothel madam who assists Reid and Tonto, but her character is so underdeveloped and pushed aside that I kept forgetting she was in the damn thing. The rest... well, there's not much else to say. None of the actors are particularly terrible (Depp excluded) but none are good enough to help this film in any way.
The opening scene had a half decent fight/chase that started the film with something of a bang. Unfortunately, after that, most of the movie is just Reid and Tonto bickering with one another. By the time the finale rolled around, that was the first time the film actually picked up a bit. It finally embraced some of the fun factor of it's source material, ending in an admittedly exciting action sequence. Unfortunately, by that point, the damage was done and I had totally stop caring. Those are really the only major action scenes over the course of the film's 2.5 hour runtime (by the way, the film is WAY too damn long), and even if they were incredible, I'd still be hard-pressed to give this film a passable score. If you're looking for your blockbuster action fix for the summer... find something else.So that's The Lone Ranger... so far the biggest dud of the summer. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if this piece of crap ended up becoming the worst film of 2013. I know it's been out for a while, and odds are it's not playing in your theater anymore, but if the opportunity to see it does happen to present itself... just keep on skipping it.
My Score: 1.5 out of 5!
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