Worst Films of 2011

This is another very overdue posting. We're a month into 2012, and I've barely even made mention of the highlights and low points for the films of 2011. That's mainly because I've been playing catchup with the year's films that I didn't get a chance to see. I was determined to do a proper Top 10 Best and Worst of list this year, unlike in 2010 when I did a Top 10 best films but only a Top 5 worst movies (plus a few dishonorable mentions). So, in an effort to do a proper year-in-review, I not only tried to see as many of the year's best, but also forced myself to sit through more shlock than I would have cared to see. To be fair, I still think I missed a lot of the year's truly bad films (for example, I haven't seen Breaking Dawn, Jack and Jill, and a few others). With that said, some of these films really aren't THAT bad (though some are), but rather felt like missed opportunities or poor executions of promising material. Nonetheless, I think I took in enough shlock to provide a reasonable list. If there's any I see later and feel like should have been on this list, I'll write a review. Until then, here are my picks for the worst films of 2011.

10. Bad Teacher
To the film's credit, this actually wasn't a terrible movie, but rather a huge missed opportunity. The concept was promising, it had a few funny scenes, and the cast was great. I'm not a huge Cameron Diaz fan, but her surprisingly dedicated performance was so spot on that she came so close to salvaging the movie. Unfortunately Diaz, and the rest of the talented cast, was let down by mediocre writing and unfunny jokes. It's really too bad, I can tell a lot of work and effort went into this movie.

9. I Am Number Four
The admittedly decent alien vs alien battle in the climax saved this sci-fi themed Twilight-wannabe from ranking any higher, but it doesn't excuse the fact that the first two-thirds of this movie do pretty much everything wrong. The story had promise, but the flat performances, stale dialogue, and slow pacing killed the movie's potential. Actually, this content might have functioned better as a TV series than a movie. Still, it's not to say that a good movie couldn't have come out of this, just not this one.

8. Transformers: Dark of the Moon
It's by no means as bad as the irredeemably terrible Revenge of the Fallen (still not letting you off the hook for that one Mr. Bay), but it's still a disappointment. The story was weak, the performances were annoying, the characters were one-note, and the action was hit and miss. I guess the special effects were decent, the 3D wasn't too shabby, and the finale had it's moments, but there was nothing particularly memorable about it either. At best, its a mediocre movie in a less-than-stellar series.

7. Arthur
This is a remake that is as unfunny as it is pointless. It takes an especially gifted actor to be both bland and annoying, yet Russell Brand (or maybe Russell Bland?) pulls it off, with a portrayal of Arthur that's thoroughly unlikable, annoying, and lacking in emotional depth. Not to mention, it wastes the talent of Helen Mirren, who looked as bored as the audience who saw this piece of crap. Skip the remake and watch the original Dudley Moore version instead.

6. Shark Night 3D
If Piranha 3D was the blueprint for how to make an intentional "so-bad-its-good" exploitation film, Shark Night is the blueprint for how NOT to make one. Boring characters, weak suspense, fake-looking effects, and PG-13 rated violence and sex. There's only one thing a movie like Shark Night has to get right: excessive amounts of blood-soaked violence and gore! Instead, we got a B-Movie with all the typical faults, but none of the enjoyment.

5. Green Lantern
When I first saw this movie, my reaction was something along the lines of, "It wasn't that good, but it wasn't really terrible." Looking back at it now, while I still wouldn't call it the worst superhero movie ever, it's still a definite letdown. It's not much more than ho-hum effects and action, a poorly written script, boring performances, and a weak portrayal of the comic book's mythos and stories. If it weren't for Peter Saarsgard giving it a little bit of an edge, it could have been much worse. Too bad, this was one of the most promising films of the year.

4. The Green Hornet
It's not that I had particularly high expectations for The Green Hornet, but I still thought it could have been better. I mean, this movie was a failure on nearly all levels. Oh sure, Kato was kind of fun and Michel Gondry is a decent enough director to give it a bit of stylish flair, but it didn't make up for the annoying characters, forgettable action, and unfunny humor. I guess for superheroes in 2011, it wasn't easy bein' green.

3. The Hangover Part II
You could watch The Hangover Part II, or you could get the same experience by simply watching the original and muting the audio every time something funny or clever happens. On top of being a generic carbon-copy of it's predecessor, The Hangover Part II takes the quirky and fun humor from the first and makes it considerably darker and more unpleasant. It's one of those films that, in addition to just being plain bad and lazy, also makes you feel kind of dirty after watching it. Don't bother.

2. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
There are a lot of words you would expect to hear to describe a summer blockbuster like Pirates of the Caribbean. Fun, exciting, thrilling, adventurous, etc... but the one word you never want to hear is this one... BORING!!! Unfortunately, that's exactly what On Stranger Tides is. What started off as a promising adventure series has descended into dull and lifeless moneygrab sequels. Depp's shtick as Jack Sparrow was wearing thin in the last two movies, but here's it's lost all of it's charm. Some of the other actors try to pick up the slack, but are let down with a bizarre and ridiculous story. Take that in account with the forgettable action, weak characters, and a strange Christianity vs Paganism subplot... and you've pretty much got a disaster. Thar she blows!

1. Bucky Larson: Born to Be A Star
I........ got nothing. To it's credit, all the other movies on this list look like Gone with the fucking Wind compared this mess! This movie is more than just bad... it's more than a disaster... it's a fucking shitty miracle! Nothing works... absolutely nothing! The characters are annoying and offensive, the actors look lost, the direction is nonexistent, the humor is... SO INCREDIBLY DISGUSTING AND PAINFULLY WRONG!!! How did this get made??? Who thought this was funny??? I'm usually the first to say that you can make a good movie out of anything, but this is one of the first movies to seriously make me second guess my theory. I mean... it's putrid, disgusting, unbelievably offensive and terrible on so many levels. As I write this, I'm actually stuttering while trying to project my feelings toward this ungodly mess. Who thought this would work? How did they manage to get so many established actors to sign on to it? I've never been a Nick Swardson fan in the first place, but any respect I've ever had or may have for him is gone now!!! This is just a whole new level of bad. If I could find a way to personally destroy every copy of this movie in existence, I would do it!

So... now that I've calmed down a bit. Those are my picks for the worst films I saw from 2011. Don't bother watching them.