Jonah Hex - Review

Since I ranked this as the 2nd worst film of 2010 a few months back (2nd to the Nightmare On Elm Street remake), I decided it would be a good idea to write a proper review for this sad excuse for a movie. What is interesting about Jonah Hex is that in the same year True Grit showed audiences the right way to make a Western, this piece of crap showed everyone the wrong way. Just how bad is this movie? Oh, where do I begin?

Loosely based on the DC comic character, bounty hunter Jonah Hex (played by Josh Brolin) is more or less your typical Western anti-hero: a gritty, brutal, and vengeful vigilante. After his family is murdered by Quentin Turnbell, a soldier Hex fought alongside in the Civil War, Turnbell brands Hex's face and leaves him for dead. Having survived the murder attempt, Hex develops a unique ability... an ability to communicate with the dead. Now, Hex goes on a quest to avenge his family and bring Turnbell to jus... geez, is there even a way to make this movie not seem so freakin' lame!

Aside from the whole "communicating with the dead" element, is there anything in this movie that hasn't been in ALMOST EVERY WESTERN MOVIE EVER MADE!!! You've got the gritty anti-hero, the asshole villain, the bureaucratic politician douche-bags, and love interest who happens to be a prostitute with a heart of gold. In all fairness though, a lot of westerns have made good on simple and typically unoriginal premises. Plus, Jonah Hex clearly isn't trying to be an accurate or straightforward Western movie, but rather a more sci-fi/action themed movie in a Western setting... though that presents the next glaring issue, that kind of crossover has seldom worked.

Anyone remember 1999's Wild Wild West, the Will Smith vehicle remake of a 60s TV show? If you don't, let me sum up the movie right here... IT WAS F**KING AWFUL!!! Since Jonah Hex works off of a similar premise, you can imagine how this would turn out. Its a barrage of cheesy ideas combined with horrendous filmmaking. Cheesy doesn't have to be a bad thing sometimes. If someone approached this material like a self award corny-but-fun action movie, it could have been entertaining. Only problem, they take the script way too seriously, and it becomes a joke in and of itself! The story is a generic premise with more holes than a golf course. Storylines go unresolved, plot elements are not explained, and almost every character is one dimensional. I can't say how faithful it is to the comics since I've haven't read them, but the overall reaction from fans of the series is that it deviates quite substantially (namely that his power to talk to the dead was not present in the comic). So in short, its a weak script with little respect for its subject matter... that's pretty bad.

Lets get one thing out of the way first... Josh Brolin as Jonah Hex. Brolin is probably the most ideal candidate for this role. His resume is comprised of a number of excellent performances (some western themed) including to No Country For Old Men, Milk, and even True Grit (which was released after this movie). And make no mistake, Brolin is the ONLY good thing in this movie. He's pretty much a badass, has some cool moments, and approaches this character with the right amount of intensity. The character is pretty bland by typical writing standards, but compared to the paper-thin depth of the supporting cast, Brolin's depiction of Hex is the only thing in the movie that actually works. Its a shame to see this kind of performance in a movie like this, because no matter how good one is, he will inevitably be brought down with the rest of the movie's excessive awfulness.

Now lets take a look at the supporting cast shall we. John Malkovich plays the villain, Quentin Turnbull. Will somebody answer me this... does Malkovich even try anymore? The guy has some really good performances under his belt, so its not like he's a bad actor. It just looked like he was phoning in a performance in this because he just didn't care (can't say I blame him). Must have only been here for a paycheck I suppose. Then we come to Will Arnett, the funnyman best known as Gob in the series, Arrested Development, here going for a more serious role as Lieutenant Grass. He actually looks like he was trying, but like most of the supporting cast, fails to engage his character in any believable or convincing way.

Finally, I guess I need to talk about Megan Fox. She plays Lillah, the aforementioned whore with a soul and love interest to Hex. First thing I have to mention, I go so sick of hearing all of those jokes made at her expense... people were saying things like, "She's finally playing a character that she could do well... a prostitute!" The jokes bothered me for two reasons... first of all, hearing them all the time got really old real fast. Second and most importantly, they propel an incredibly negative perception about Fox's acting ability that quite frankly has been wrong from the start... that Fox actually possesses the ability to play ANY role well, even that of a prostitute (hehe, had you going there for a second, didn't I?). No, I have absolutely nothing good to say about Fox. I can't think of any actress who has gotten by on nothing but sex appeal as much as Fox. She is easily one of the worst actresses working in Hollywood today. Nothing about her performance works! She is just awful!

You would think that with a bigger budget summer film like this, the technical execution would at least be passable... but nope! It looks like the team had originally intended this to be an R-Rated movie, but decided to change it at the last minute to a PG-13. As a result, the editing is an abysmal disaster! I can't think of another movie off the top off my head that had so many sloppy cuts and continuity errors. It wasn't even little cuts here and there that you have to be looking for to notice. No, it was right there, in your face, like the only way to not notice them would be to close your eyes. Almost every attempted action scene is ruined because of such amateur editing. On top of that, the camerawork is standard, the sets are basic, and everything else is pretty much middle of the road.

Overall, Jonah Hex is pretty awful. This is easily one of the worst comic book adaptions I can think of. It's right up there with Catwoman, Howard the Duck, and Batman & Robin. The only other positive thing about this movie I can think of is that the runtime is only 80 minutes... so you won't suffer long.

I give Jonah Hex a 1.5 out of 5!